"“We have lent a huge amount of money to the U.S. Of course we are concerned about the safety of our assets. To be honest, I am definitely a little worried.” "

Chinese premier Wen Jiabao 12th March 2009

""We have a financial system that is run by private shareholders, managed by private institutions, and we'd like to do our best to preserve that system."

Timothy Geithner US Secretary of the Treasury, previously President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.1/3/2009

Sunday, December 10, 2006

CCTV - what would our Police Forces do without it ?

Having had such a close physical and spiritual attachment to Lady Diana, (and indeed some shared antecedents) Lord Patel has never been able to steel himself to share the grief and anguish of such a transparently good man and her future Father in Law as Mr al Fayed.

Clutching some of the more intimate mementos of our relationship, bravely but briefly stifling a tear, sniffing and sobbing, it was as much as he could do to watch the Panorama Special tonight about her murder by the Secret Services of France and the UK on behalf of the Royal Family and the Illuminati.

Grief however broke into joy some 20 minutes into the programme when it was revealed that 11 CCTV cameras covering the path of the speeding car, driven by the drugged, drunk driver , including those outside the Ministry of Defence, Place de la Concorde etc., were switched off @ 9 pm.

Evidence, if required , that the perfidious French had stolen a march on their traditional foes and started on their covert plan of energy saving - cutting both carbon emissions, costs and laying the sound policy foundations that 1,000's of hours of CCTV fillums only serve to confuse any Police enquiries when pursuing sensational murder enquiries.

Yet again the land of super sleuths, Hercule Poirot, Georges Simenon and Professor Moriarty have led the way - for the Met's finest to follow in their footsteps ... belatedly.

Evidently we need more CCTV cameras to prove Lord Patel's First Law of Televisual Surveillance

Evidence (E)discovered by CCTV cameras is in inverse proportion to the number of cameras installed. E tends to infinity in all cases. The length of time (T) to disclose that CCTV cameras are, not working, switched off, faulty, have been stolen, whose recorders are faulty, have not been loaded or the tapes overwritten or hard drives accidentally erased / stolen can usually be measured in at least months and can take for ever. (T) tends to infinity in all cases.

Lord Patel's Second Law of Televisual Surveillance Part A

CCTV cameras will only work effectively when trained on a car with two occupants (or in certain cases more) of the opposite (or in certain cases the same) sex involved in extensive, vigorous, loud, noisy (preferably unclothed) sexual activity.

Lord Patel's Second Law of Televisual Surveillance Part B

Such CCTV evidence is usually available in the pub down the road, and in the Station canteen, usually in hours - and on the web minutes after. eg http://www.doggers-schaak.nl/

Vive La Belle France.


Stef said...

I didn't catch the show

Strange to hear that the French give their traffic monitoring cameras a rest in the evenings when, for example, here in London the congestion charge cameras are kept running even over the weekends, when the charge doesn't apply, because 'it would be too expensive to have someone turn them on and off all the time'

And was there any comeback on the Daily Express' claim that a woman driver was issued with a CCTV generated speeding ticket only 15 minutes before the crash?


Stef said...

... and while I'm at it did they mention the dossier that Di was compiling on Chuck's proclivities (cf. the aborted Burrel trial) as being a possible motive for an autocide or did they just harp on about the pregnancy old chestnut as per usual?

I do love these shows that claim to tackle conspiracy theories head on, and then don't. Very entertaining

Anonymous said...

I was always impressed that her, so called, "personal bodyguard" couldn't protect her from a drunk driver when he was sat next to him, leave alone what else might happen.

(C) Very Seriously Disorganised Criminals 2002/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 - copy anything you wish