Guido Fawkes and his Coke Conspirators

At an unfathomably early hour, before dawn, when it is unclear whether 98.7 FM is pumping out BBC End of the World News, or being taken over by what we used to quaintly call the "Home Service" there was a remarkable interlude this morning in which fellow blogiste Guido Fawkes was examined.

It appears that the mastermind behind GF is a Paul "Semen" Staines, an ex- public school chap, and ex - derivatives trader (Yasuda Europe) who acheived some mild notoriety as "Freedom to Party" ( a sort of down market version of Woy Jenkins "Cheese and Whine Party" ) in the hedonistic 80's given to organising nocturnal japes, drug taking and baiting rural Plod.

He was (is?) a paid acolyte of the deeply unpleasant David Hart who supported Maggie in her manic drive to choke off the power of the incestuous Yorkshire and the corrupt Welsh miners and their Unions. The unintended consequence of which was to move the hand on the jugular of European energy to Putin and his silovaki, the coastal gangs of the Nigerian delta and the men who dressed in sheets and walked about Riyadh in Dennis Thatcher's (AKA Dear Bill) immortal phrase, "as though they owned the place"... not forgetting the silent guardians of the Norwegian State Pension Fund and their 1,300 mile gas pipeline snaking unprotected across the North Sea or Armageddon in Milford Haven harbour.

For the political gad flies whose attention span is notably brief, and evidently feed on this semi-literate pap, they would be better served by reading the Metro ( which is designed , Associated Newspapers Ltd say, for the "time starved") for the facts . For entertainment and social comment by Polly Filla and Mr Littlejohn for really deep and serious political analysis.

GF's blog is shielded from litigation by the quartet of tools. Location in sunny Nevis (Global & General Nominees Limited ). Absence of any useful or original fact or comment. A style (?) derived from obsessive self delusions of drug induced nirvana and being bereft of political insight of any sort . The blog supplies a heady froth that might result from an RSS feed from the toilets of a City Wine Bar ....... that David Cameron in Pop used to button up the bottom button on his Weskit, that Tyndall's girlfriend was seen winking at a groom, that Old Wykhemist Buffy St. Mary cannot tell the difference between a Chateux bottled Margaux and a can of Diet pepsi ...etc.,

One is left wondering quite why this self evident front for the Royal United Services / Dame Pauline's Persuaders / Lord Jackson of Bloody Sunday circle of sinister State apparatchiks would get such fulsome exposure on the BBC .....

One thing one must say he scores highly on, are the pictures (see above) of the clouds of political groupies, pert and polished with an evansecent and loin stirring bloom (that's Rosa Hanbury with our Dear Leader ... sister of Marina and friend of the scrumptious Kate Reardon, Sophia Pilkington, Cosima Somerset, Camilla Roberts, Emma, Jemima Khan, Isabel Goldsmith, Lucy Fox, Virginia Fraser. . .) . Facing regrettably and inevitably after doing too much coke, require major reconstructive surgery to return their pretty litle noses into a kissable shape. Indeed some are reconisable in the queue that forms at Lord Patel's bedroom door as they did for Ray Brooks as the irresistable Tolen, in Dick Lester's seminal fillum "The Knack .. and how to get it" (1965) with Rita Tushingham , Donal Donelly and Michael Crawford (Tolen's hugely desirable 200cc Ariel Arrow with the "ape" handlebars and huge and distinctively patterned rear mudflap, followed on from their very successful Ariel Leader , the first (and only) UK bike with a pressed (as distinct from tubular) steel frame, the production of which immediately preceded the demise of the company.)

There are many, many bloggers of a political persuasion , who have clear ideologies, clarity of expression, verbal skills and a modicum of literacy, wit, sarcasm and a well developed sense of irony, often co-ordinated with good design and original photography. They want to change things.

Guido and his claqueurs change nothing. Excepting their underpants, frequently, as a result of constant self-abuse - no, that's unseemly and untrue, wankers have the imagination and vision to sustain the act combined with the manual dexterity and physical strength to perform it - there is no evidence of either.

Guido (and his Antiphon Ian Dale) do have a good line into the BBC however - even if it goes out when all good Christians are getting ready to go to Church, bad Muslims are plotting the overthrow of the State and the evil Zionists, the World.

UPDATE 9.45 GMT The acerbic and acute Eleanor Goodman (and Shirley Williams' twin) reviewing the Sunday papers on BBC 4's lamentable Broadcasting House mentions lubricious photographs in the Sunday Times,** of Miss Charlotte Rampling without any clothes on, which relate to an article about Segoláne Royale's bid for the Presidency simply because she now lives in France (Zut alors!).. she (along with Miss Miss Jacqueline Bissett - born Winnifred Jacqueline Fraser-Bisset ! -who also died very messily in Bullit) made their film debut in "The Knack" as a couple of the aspiring, nubile young ladies thronging Tolan's staircase. Wait for a bus and 3 come along. One is set to wondering how the notoriously randy "Dick" Lester cast them in this, their first screen role.

For those who cannot quite recall what Miss Rampling looks like, this is a pic of her on the set of Chekov's Cherry Orchard in 2005 whilst she took a break from the attentions of Alan Bates.

Miss Rampling celebrated her birthday last week on February 5th, she was born in 1946, so she was ...er ... 59 when Lord Patel managed to snatch this shot of her, so she will by now have collected her bus pass as well as her OBE.

Readers may now be familiar with Lord Patel's Index of Extraordinary Minds in which a numerical value is given to the desirability of a post coital conversation with the subject (between 1 -100), the datum level of Zero is (by popular agreement) set by Caravan Club Pin -up Margaret Becket the remarkably persistent member of the Cabinet. Miss Rampling is way up there in the 90's.

** The cheap tricks that are used, to simply display pictures of brazen, but highly desirable, naked women !

FURTHER UPDATE 11.00 GMT

From reading the entertaining piece at the always excellent Pickled Politics who also heard the program and has subsequently posted an interesting but scurrilous, inaccurate and libellous article about a Paul Delarie-Staines of the Federation of Conservative Students in the Guradian of 31 May 1986) by David Rose entitled "Tory student leader in ‘ racist ‘ party link / Paul Delarie-Staines of FCS attempts to form pact with British National Party in Hull"

The program about Guido Fawkes was by David Grossman of Newsnight on Profile, ("Profile of a newsworthy individual, looking at their past and investigating their current role in life.")broadcast on Saturday 10 February 2007 19:00-19:15 (Radio 4 FM) again - to disturn the slumbers of Lord Patel , Sunday 11 February 2007 5:45-6:00 (Radio 4 FM) and for those who wish to hear it later today , Repeated: Sunday 11 February 2007 17:40-17:54 (Radio 4 FM) - which will have a much larger audience than the one at 5.45 am ! ..or listen to it here now.

Tim Ireland at Bloggerheads also comments, with some e-mail correspondence / threats re the Guradian Rose article . The Brighton madman who produces Chicken Yoghurt also pursues the issue.

It appears that it is self publicity not self abuse that will be cause of his Anfall.