Massive cash payouts to hospitalized soldiery promises Prime Minister - "the man behind the veil".

UK troops injured in Iraq or Afghanistan and hospitalised, will, according to the Sunday Telegraph today, receive £5 per day and £10 if overseas, under the iniative our Dear Leader Tony Blair announced yesterday. (Will there be a sliding scale (The Yossarian Index ?) - lost a leg £5 , and eye £4, a finger £3 ?

Cherie Blair, who famously spent £7,700 of the "cash for coronets" funds on her hairdressing needs during the election last May will be only too well aware of what it is like to be married to a man continuously under fire.

Perhaps Carole Caplin with whom our dear Leader is (again) in regular telephonic touch might be able to rustle up some restorative aromatherapy for our brave lads, from the lissome, leggy lass whose soothing unguents and soothing tactile caress have restored many a frayed nerve at No 10. See Rupe's Rag today "Caplin’s second bite of Toblerone Tony" by Isabel Oakeshott, Deputy Political Editor..."Caplin is... said to be offering him fashion advice, diet and fitness tips .... feedback on his television appearances."

Perhaps between hot tips on make-up and slimming teas she could whisper in his ear about the Nato's report on Operation Medusa, (Telegraph) that seethes with NATO commanders wrath about the extent of the Taliban's military capability and states clearly that Pakistan's Interservices Intelligence (ISI) (Taliban 'R' US) is involved in supplying it.

"Commanders from Britain, the US, Denmark, Canada and Holland are frustrated that even after Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf met George W Bush and Tony Blair last week, Western leaders are declining to call Mr Musharraf's bluff.

"It is time for an 'either you are with us or against us' delivered bluntly to Musharraf at the highest political level," said one Nato commander."

Or perhaps he should consult his man on the spot, Sid Boil (AKA Kim Rentagob Howells) for advice.... or maybe make a speech ..."stiffeneing up the sinews...shoring up the breach with the English dead ?" Mmmmm perhaps not.