Desperate Housewives - relief may be at hand

It was through ever fascinating Gizmodo that our attention was drawn to the discovery by Ryan a particularly shy young reader who wants only to be known as "Ryan" who had been trawling through Google's new US Patent search application and found that a John Dequer of Los Angeles had filed in 1928 - (which the Editors consider was the first vibrator patent) - "Electric Therapeutic Appliance".

Here is the patent - the accompanying drawing is above.

Whilst aware that purchase online of these items was not difficult online , it was a member (as it were) of staff who brought our attention to interest in the mainline press were interested in how the suburban world - especially the suburban lady is equipping herself .....this er.... festive season. Dildoes have , whilst not come out of the closet are well and truly to be found in the panty drawer... apparently.

The season kicked off with Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: Part 1 and Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: Part 2 which was the Village Voice's, Rachel Kramer Bussel and Tristan Taormino (?) trawling the web for everything for autoeroginists to spankophiles with links (over 50) to the more salubrious websites - she seems to have an obsession with the glass dildoes from blowfish - and an even more exotic diamond-encrusted titanium dildo from mi-su that comes (as you might say) for a mere US$6,400.

Not content with this online haul our Rachel decided to party and in The Village Voice on December 28th, 2006 held forth enthusiastically about passion parties ..."When ladies dish about icy-hot clits and tingling tits" under the unlikely title " The Twat Thickens" ...when at Courtney's apartment in the East Side , Hannah Harpoontang, Eileen Dover, Gabby Buttocks, and other sassy ladies were ready and wired for a passion party. One of 10,000 Passion Parties that take place every month across the US.

Reaching their zenith (or nadir depending upon your passions) when company' s "consultant" Joanne Webb (pic) in Clebane, 50 miles from Dallas, TX was charged in 2004 with a misdemeanor for hawking her battery-operated handjob helpers (she sold a vibrator to undercover narcotics officers posing as a dysfunctional married couple in search of a sex aid) — although the case (possibly as a result of an attempt to get her company membersof the local Chamber of Commerce) was eventually dismissed.

Patricia Davis, a 59-year-old grandmother and president of Passion Parties, told CNN at the time: "We are very proud of Joanne Webb. She believes in the mission of the company and she is doing a really nice job of representing us."

Der Spiegel has a wonderful story of modern marketing and entrpreneurship this week concerning "German Firm Penetrates Sex Market : Dolphin shaped Dildos from Deutschland" (Doch ein Bremer Mittelständler hat sich mit deutschen Tugenden zum Branchenführer aufgeschwungen) about Dirk Bauer who started making dolphin-shaped dildos in his kitchen a few years ago and now has a thriving international business churning out 4,000 ..er ...sex toys a day. (See QA Depot pic)

So successful that Germany's principal pornographers Beate Uhse AG from Flensburg, northern Germany, bought a 25 % stake in Dirk's Fun Factory 2 years ago.

Even Amazon are cashing in this Christmas - ensuring everything goes with a "swing"

If you want to find out how the muddle classes are catching on to the penetrative joys of plastic just search Google News on "dildo" ... for example SX News of Australia in "Using both hands" has fascinating insights into the nature of ambidexterity and erotic techniques ...and ... well find the rest for yourself.

...BUT ladies beware, "two for the price of one" doesn't necessarily mean it's a discount offer.