Quite how or why I woke upon the floor behind a couch in a hospitality lounge at the RCA Dome with Melissa and Tamburlaine, 2 noisy but (very) friendly wannabe Colts cheer Leaders on Wednesday morning 2nd January 3 days after the Tennessee Titans beat the Colts in their last game at the RCA Dome is something best left alone.
Sufficient to say that these two ladies had, with the help of an old Indian remedy that Tamburlaine's dad makes up (out of Wild Turkeys apparently), a sort of deep brown hot choking liquid best washed down with spring water and plenty of ice. Rubbed on it can be very efective too .. and licked off even.
Anyway, it sounded as though a game was still on because we could hear loud cheering - to discover that 3,400 of Hoosier State's finest - the Indiana National Guard’s 76th Infantry
...and Dan Lugar and Mitch Daniels were giving the 3,400 soldiers a rousing send off ... and the 3,400 families, wives, mothers sweethearts many of hwom will not see their loved one again..time to weep.
Well we bump into Dan and Mitch ..."Lord Patel !" exclaims Mitch ..."Why haven't see you since the Seminar in Purdue last year that Dan held (the Richard G. Lugar-Purdue Summit on Energy Security held on on Purdue's campus in West Lafayette, Indiana August 2006) see Post.
Dan shhook my hand and eyed my friends , magically grown by two more who had attached themselves to us.
Well this went down well with the girls and magically a couple more came over and in minutes we were ensconced in some swell apartment where these girls used to do massages for the guy Randall Tobias who Madame Palfrey helped - he wrote the book about cheese and was a big cheese at Lilly.
Well the rest is a blur of newspapers / TV / Radio / quips from Dan and Mitch and may not be in the right order...
It all started when when Tammy was ( only a short girl but "big" in many ways) was easing the old collar bone - or some bone and I was reading ...
US special forces snatch squads are on standby to seize or disable Pakistan's nuclear arsenal in the event of a collapse of government authority or the outbreak of civil war following the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.
The troops, augmented by volunteer scientists from America's Nuclear Emergency Search Team organisation, are under orders to take control of an estimated 60 warheads dispersed around six to 10 high-security Pakistani military bases.
"Is this right ? " I asked Dan who raised an eybrow - you know the way he does... "well...let's say plans are always in place....." and went back to what looked like sleep.
Well I don't know what happened then but time, as they say had passed. Next minute (?) we were watching Breaking News on CNN - a sombre voiced guy with a beard and popping eyes was saying President Bush would address the nation from the White House at the unprecdented time of 1.00 am EST.
The next minute there was Dubya , in the fierce glare of the Kleig lights.. " Citizens, this is your War President , today US forces took control of the Pakistani Nukular arsenal at Islam is Bad . The world is safe in our ...er...hands .." with this he raised his right hand whih was bearing one of those nifty golf gloves used to correct your swing by inserting weights. He shuffled off grinning whilst the Press Bayed...Mr president FOX is reporting 700 dead ... BBC say 14 sites have been attacked ...The Chinese say B1 bombers from Diego Garcia ....
Tony Lemon stepped forward. "gentleemen there will be no questions".... The mob of reporters howled "NO FUCKING QUESTIONS .... WHY !!!!"
"Because we have no answers" sayd Tony and the lights went out.
Well the rest is a jumble as Dan's phone went , as did he... FOX said the Marines had attacked 3 sites with the newly deployed Osprey 4 out of six which crashed on the way there.. ( having forgotten the one that crashed undertaking an emergency landing the last Sunday in October at at the Highway Draw Bridge, on Highway 70 IS Beaufort, NC 28516 heading for Cherry point Air base... seen by civilians and staff at the National Coat Guard ,Atlantic Beach, NC 28512 - hushed up and hauled away - never to be reported)...
Melissa again with this Wild Turkey thing and I was dreaming ...or was I ... maybe it was "Enchanted" all over again, but I could see spinning Headlines ...
"One of their Missiles is Missing !!!" .... "Paki Nuke Missile lost !!!" ...
Well evidently the shit hit the fan and the TV screen was full of jabbering voices. Did this mean the Taliban had a missile had someone not counted right , were the figures wrong.
Then the pizza guy arrived and seeing this wild trukey stuff decided to join in started teling us of his time in Eye Raq...
The we see a sombre looking Olmerde telling us that the Paki sooper dooper Nuki paki missile had been fired ? Exploded and tracked and maybe aimed ? at the US sixth Fleet and IT COULD HAVE REACHED TEL AVIV !!!
Papers full of pictures of terrist activity globally (see pic)
Obama ...stuttering ..." calm nerves "...clarification "...Hillary " we always said we shoudl move more troops to Iraq".... Dybya "I am a war President" .. Riots in Islam is Bad again and again ... Gordon Brown had a bad head cold. Angela Merkel ahd a bad head cold.
Fred Thompson saying over and over ..."This is why we needed to keep Gitmo open" .. and his poll numbers jumped.
Step forward the cheese eating surrender monkeys.
Headlines agian ...was this Saturday already ? Constitution suspended. President for Life ...was that Dubya or Mushariff ... or even Sarkozy ?
Anyway the next thing I know is the ER and someone looking with a pencil torch thing and muttering about rebel yell.
Was it all a dream ... Maybe it was. Tom Brady q'backing for the Patriots against the Giants all over again . he plays a 55 yard running pass, Moss Fumbles ... the crowd gasps. The clock is ticking.
Brady stands cool.
HE PLAYS THE SAME GODDAM PLAY
AND THIS TIME IT GODDAM WORKS AND RANDY MOSS TOUCHES DOWN AND THE GIANTS WEEP
That beats Jerry Rice's TD passes of the San Francisco 49ers in 12 games in 1987, a strike season and Brady edges out Payton Manning for TD passes.
Funny thing they blew up the WTC once ...didn't work ...they tried again.That time it worked.
Saddam's missiles disappearded in mysterious circumstances. So did one of Mushariff's
Hatf VI (Shaheen II), with a range of 1,555 miles, can carry "nuclear and conventional warheads with high accuracy," a Pakistan military statement said after a test firing April 28th last year - whilst everyone watched.
Talk of the Draft...the Winds of War
Not a word of the above is (or could possibly be true). Quite simply these things just do not happen.
To be continued ....