Lord Patel : An Urgent Personal Statement

Speaking on behalf of Lord Patel today, Toni Fabuloso said "A great deal of Press and TV comment has been recently directed by leading political figures and commentators at remarks made by Lord Patel. He wishes to state that he has not, nor has ever been a member of any Political Party [1]."

" Lord Patel formed the Forthcoming UK Energy Defecit (FCUKED), formally, in 2001 to highlight the diminishing natural energy resources of the UK and it's central and critical importance to the UK economy. Membership is automatic and open to all, without charge, merely by sharing in the dwindling, coal, gas and oil reserves of this once, rich and productive island you automatically become a member. It is impossible to refuse membershp other than by emigrating."

"FCUKED is a subsection or special interest group (SIG) of the Sunshine Party whose origins lie shrouded in time and mystery and whose continuing membership is somewhat indeterminate and to date unknown - a hidden (or spent) force. Their political platform is, regrettably stolen , a hazy amalgam of all the other parties claims, encapsulated in a single (but nonetheless powerful) political promise - Vote for the Sunshine Party - we promise Sunshine tomorrow and every day."

"The Sunshine Party is based in the UK, but invites a global membership.

FOOTNOTES FOR EDITORS :

[1] Like all political truths this contains the germ of a lie. Lord Patel attended as a youth , and rude provincial oik, a "Freshers Fair" on entering University. A smiling young lady with ash blond locks, the freshest of smiles, the whitest of teeth, the bluest the greenestwith sparkling hazel eyes, the most moist, kissable lips and beguilingly attractive and seductive honeyed tones, wreathed in the perfumes of ... allowed him to gaze fixedly at her tits whilst he signed a cheque.

In the morning she was just a faint and aromatic memory , he was ten shillings poorer , and owner of a beigey coloured pasteboard card which said " XXXXester University Liberal Club, Membership Card."

There have been many other similiar wallet lightening moments in a rich and varied life, but none that he recalls involved becoming a member of a political party.

[2] This picure of Toni Fabuloso is quite old. Will it do ?