Lordy Lord Vaz is at it again....

Geoff Hoon has apparently promised Keith Vaz, the charmingly oleaginous, Asian Mr Fixit from Leicester, ennoblement for his prudent support for locking up brown men with beards for 42 days while PC Plod tries to find something to do them for.

Absurd rumours that swept the Palce of Varieties tea rooms this afternoon that it had been fixed due to his support, indeed enrichment from the wonderfully industrious Iraqi businessman Mr Nadhmi Auchi, for turning up at Board meetings General Mediterranean Holdings and indeed negotiating a few bobs from the famously courteous gent towards the , "Help out Gordy from this mess fund" Prop, British venture Capitalists et al .

Other tittle tattleists said it was because he had performed such sterling work as Chairman of the Home Affairs Select to which he was unusually nominated to the Committee by the Government, rather than by the quasi-independent Committee of Selection which, under the Standing Orders of the House, nominates members to select committees. ... but that is unlikely.

It certainly wouldn't be for having stupidly forgotten details of how three payments of £5,000 each, from Usha Mittal, the wife of a steel magnate, from Charles Riachy, a Lebanese businessman were used (maybe, somehow) to finance (or not as the case maybe) his election expenses in 2001. There is also no chance it would be a reward for his involvement in the affairs of the UK passport seeking Hinduja brothers who were defrauded out of muchdosh such generous benfactors to the Millenium Dome . Misled it appears by some mischeivous soul that this was the normal way to obtain a UK passport.

Lord Patel does know a fascinating episode when a very senior Labour politician (not an MP) with very strong EU experience and connections was involved in a meeting at which the boy Keef adressed him as Sir XXXXXX. The blushing , but nonetheless flattered Labour luminary pointed out that he was plain Mister.

"OH!" sparkled our oily, plump, and charming MP, giving him a knowing glance over his glasses..."We'll have to do something about that" .... pause .. "won't we".

Mr Hoon owes Keef for one reason , it was a last desperate calculation to keep the totally "on-side" MP...er...."on side".

Of course Mr Hoon's promise is just as worthless as our Keef's was to Lord Patel's friend. That of course is the cut and thrust of labour politics at work today.

Knife crime .. there is more backstabbing in Westminster than Haringey, Barnet, Moss Side, Barwell .....together