"Events Dear Boy! ....."

Tessa caused ripples. Kelly has upset everyone. Lord Levy and his pals in the City loom large. Non-Lord Patel won't go away. Iraq is still a headache. Reid hasn't a clue what is going on in Afghanistan. Hewitt gets heckled (on live TV for God's sake) by nurses and Health Staff 2 days running. Charles Clarkes has displayed to everyone what a shambles the Home Office is. he gets Ke-babbed by Paxman on Newnight live!. Tessa and that bloody husband. Beckett hasn't paid the bloody farmers. Nuclear power protesters! Sir John Gieve who so helpfully helped Blunkett sort out his mistress obviously took his eye off the ball. Sir Ian Blair and the de Menezes enquiry by IPCC doesn't look good. My best friend Dubya is in deep, deep do-do.

And now John " one-two Shags" Prescott has been having office rumpy pumpy on the back seat of the Minsiterial gas guzzler, in between handing out dodgy planning decisions and the desire to knock down the bits of Liverpool that Heseltine left standing.

He calls me on the secure phone and says, "Lord Patel why didn't I take your advice about an easter shuffle!!!!" (See here)

"Events dear Boy ......."