Tony Blair is a Fucking Liar

The bulky but always entertaining Mr Kelvin MacKenzie, sometimes described as the ex Editor of the Sun, inventor of such great novelties as the news bunny and naked darts, was for a change being interviewed. He claimed at the weekend (presumably in his role as Jester in Chief at the Sun) that he would not have touched the accounts of the ex Prisoners of Zenda “with a barge pole” and accused the Government of a “catastrophic error". He defended the sailors and Marines, saying he laid the blame “exclusively and wholly at the bloody idiots currently running the Ministry of Defence”.

Mr McKenzie told the Today program

“My sense is that the Government... are very concerned that they have lost the propaganda battle with Iran and these 15 are simply pawns in this battle, They have opened up a can of worms. It is a catastrophic error by our Secretary of State for Defence.”

Bang goes the Knighthood of another Editor.

Big Mac is now telling anyone who will listen,

"I know that David Hill (Chief Clerk No 10 Press relations) was whistling round newspaper offices last week asking editors if they needed "Help with their editorials" in relation to the freeing of the 15 - ie that you must get over the sense that Tony Blair had had a major triumph,"

Anybody walking through Whitehall must have heard a low whizzing sound this week as they heard the endless whizzing known as "The Passing of the Buck". So far it rests, Des Browne admits, on his desk - he has now been persuaded to fall on his sword and accept responsibility.

Naturally members of the Press were pressing their shillings into the warm sticky palms of the Prisoners of Zenda because they were, in unprecedented fashion, allowed access to them - which could have quite simply been rejected. De-briefing, R&R in Cyprus and then back on duty. Compare and contrast the staff on "holiday" from Addis Abbaba recently.

Given the undenied stories of Mr Hill's urgency in providing editors,"Help with their editorials"(probably the very last thing any newspaper editor anywhere feels he needs) one must accept it as correct. So if this Truffle Hound for the Truth was on the case last week it is impossible to believe that like an obedient gun dog he sat waiting patiently for instructions for his next task.

Mr Hill only obeys one master, The Prime Minister. It is inconceivable that once protected by the liberty afforded by the sovereign and the warmth and love of their families, their Protector , groggy after 5 bruising rounds with the Middle Eastern Middleweight, and a final standing count, the Prime Minister did not seek some redress in the battle for the eye, ear and sympathy of the public. The colossus that bestrode the world had been laid low by the pygmy David from Teheran....

We are never going to be privy to how Mr Hill was instructed, nor how precisely he interceded between Mr MacKenzie's successor, Faye (distinguishable from the Big Mac only by the colour and length of her hair) and the bone headed Second Lord of the Admiralty.... who is perhaps as unlearnt in the ways of the Press as the rest of the Navy appears to be in organising boarding parties.

What is certain is that No 10 got exactly what they wanted, tears, sobs, near nakedness, knickers, fears of rape, not quite the full monty as Fleet Street revelations go but in the circumstances ...er ...adequate.

It was the ever pliant and heavily knighted Sir Trevor McDonald (bloody Scotsmen everywhere) who added the esential gravitas , as the bottom lip biting, pale, vulnerable Faye haltingly jerked the tears worldwide to complete the national humiliation.

Perfick! Simply Perfick!

The Senior Service will be resumed as soon as possible.