"“We have lent a huge amount of money to the U.S. Of course we are concerned about the safety of our assets. To be honest, I am definitely a little worried.” "


Chinese premier Wen Jiabao 12th March 2009


""We have a financial system that is run by private shareholders, managed by private institutions, and we'd like to do our best to preserve that system."


Timothy Geithner US Secretary of the Treasury, previously President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.1/3/2009

Saturday, August 11, 2007

iPhone owner requires surgery to use it. Amazing Pictures

We don't get to read the North Denver News often - evidently not often enough, because it brings us some astounding (if True!) news. James Bentley in the course of his journalistic enquiries bumped into 24 stone Thomas Martel of Bonnie Brae residential district in Denver , near the U of D and well equipped with liquor stores. James describes Thomas as a "big guy".

An early adopter, Thomas, despite his bulk enjoyed using, successively, a Treo, a Blackberry, and now he has an iPhone (money is definitely no concern to Thomas) . " I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," He explained to James.

He had a big thumbs. He needed a smaller ones. So he called on cosmetic surgeon Dr. Robert Fox Spars who is now anxious to explain his technique of thumb "whittling"

The procedure (cover your eyes here if squeamish) involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails.

Tomas's new thumbs are slim, effeminate but make using his new technological toys a treat , he says he can still lift "pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery". The only drawback is opening Spaghetti sauce bottles - which if he had laid off the spaghetti he might have....

"We're turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency." says Dr. Robert Fox Spars ... of whom there is no trace in the Denver telephone Directory .. nor any trace of him anywhere else... and James Bentley doesn't return calls and it's a slow news time in Denver the ski capital of the US.... and the ghost of Hunter Thompson lingers on ...

2 comments:

Rowan Berkeley said...

spoof, darling, spoof:
http://northdenvernews.com/content/view/925/2

Shutter said...

Curiously that had occurred to us darling... which if you read more carefully and looked at the amazing pictures you might have worked out without help from the Editor.

Perhaps we should have worked harder to make that more obvious.

(C) Very Seriously Disorganised Criminals 2002/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 - copy anything you wish