"“We have lent a huge amount of money to the U.S. Of course we are concerned about the safety of our assets. To be honest, I am definitely a little worried.” "

Chinese premier Wen Jiabao 12th March 2009

""We have a financial system that is run by private shareholders, managed by private institutions, and we'd like to do our best to preserve that system."

Timothy Geithner US Secretary of the Treasury, previously President of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.1/3/2009

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Gordon Brown found dead on lonely Scottish foreshore

The folds of wan and flaccid flesh of the neck are repeated in the creased white and flabby underarms. He carefully prods a suspicious mole on the clavicle and makes a note.

With care and caution he locates and listens to his stethoscope. Simply confirming the evidence of the ECG's , echocardiograms and lung volume tests.

He is aware of the stertorous breathing as he dresses. A slight bronchitic cough when settling to listen to the verdict.

"Well everything is OK...but .. age is taking it's toll. Lung capacity is not really what it should be, bloods OK, Cholesterol a wee bit out of kilter."

He taps the laboratory report - " Liver enzymes" ...." a wee dram more than needed?". In the still and silent room there is no response.

He rises out of deference to acknowledge the patient is leaving. " Try some good vigorous outdoor exercise - a weekly walk ?."

They shake hands and with a mumbled "Thank you", it is over.

He returns to the desk and carefully assembles the reports and places them in the boldly marked folder. On momentary reflection he re-visits the lab report.

A coronary event is coming, as sure and as certain as Christmas.

On the foreshore at Wemyss by the pier the early and anxious dog walker greets the two patrolmen from Fife Police.

"Bit of mystery here officer , no name, no pack drill"
His black Labrador sits whining at the short leash. The retired military looking type thrusts some papers at the officer.
" Two pieces of paper here "
Both handwritten in a black felt tip, smudged with damp; the first a list of ten recordings, which looked a rough run through for Desert Island Discs, the second ..

Preserve us, O Lord, while waking,
and guard us while sleeping,
that awake we may watch with Christ,
and asleep we may rest in peace.

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace :
according to thy word.

For mine eyes have seen :
thy salvation;

Which thou hast prepared :
before the face of all people;

To be a light to lighten the Gentiles :
and to be the glory of thy people Israel.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son :
and to the Holy Ghost;

as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be :
world without end. Amen.

Preserve us, O Lord, while waking,
and guard us while sleeping,
that awake we may watch with Christ,
and asleep we may rest in peace.

"Nunc dimitiss, that is ,"said the younger of the two policemen... "and look here an empty bottle ... the Macallan . Hmm expensive tastes."

In the late afternoon a hastily summoned press conference was given a brief statement.No questions were allowed.

1. The Prime Minister's body had been found this morning on the foreshore at Wemyss Bay.
2. He had previously been on a retreat to Dysart House, run by the Carmelite Nuns.
3. It appears that he had gone for a walk along the Fife coastal path and his absence not noted until this morning.


paul said...

Considering the terrible damage he had done to the party of labour, we think its for the best. Its a beuatiful, peaceful part of the world, and its exactly how we would have wanted him to go.
Yours, the emergency interim govt
Lord Levy
(Ex) PM T 'Bambi' Blair
Ed 'Autistic' Balls
David 'Autistic' Miliband
Peter 'Mandy' Mandelson
John 'violent alcoholic headcase' Reid
Charles 'Fat Cunt' Clarke

Anonymous said...

It might be necessary to consult: The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, just to be sure...

Anonymous said...

Look like the Brown Matrix is heading down the pan then!

King Heroin said...


Captain Smack said...

Sorry, wrong "Brown" thread

Tom said...

Surely the body is more likely to be that other Scots political failure, Kennedy?

Stef said...

My money's on Alex Salmond

actually, the easiest way to figure out who's next would be to get some quotes from Ladbrooke's - I'd trust a bookie's odds over official or academic stats any day

Come to think of it, I wonder what odds they'd give me for this year's average global temperature...

Stef said...

...maybe bookmakers should consider diversifying into consultancy

Paddy Power's Mission Statement already talks about making ‘risk-based’ entertainment more accessible and fun"

Hmmm, 'William Hill plc - The Risk Experts'

I reckon it's a goer

Red Neck said...

Very respectable odds are being quoted on Obama not celebrating Labor Day if he gets the Democratic ticket.It's called the "Vince Foster" bet.

(C) Very Seriously Disorganised Criminals 2002/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 - copy anything you wish