SNP wins Glasgow East, beaten to 3rd place by Gemma Garrett

Should you be reading this whilst waiting for a 46 or a 39 bus on Cathcart Street and a man dressed like an undertaker (He is in a sense an undertaker) offers you a chance to stand as Labour MP for Glasgow East .... think very, very carefully before you answer.

Did you ,when flat sharing, steal someone's yoghurt from the fridge ? Perhaps by an oversight (easily done - and checked in this world of official databases) forgot to buy a TV licence, failed to pay a parking ticket ? Missed scooping the poop after your pooch ?

If so, you are advised to tell the itinerant Mr Brown - for it is he - that the lure of fat salaries, , fatter pensions and kitchens furnished by John Lewis, freebies to Malta and Mali is insufficient.

Gently explain that your current position as Waste Technician on the Swedish Mega-Pakka Re-Cycling Mobile Giganto Dumpster is fine.,, and offers greater long term prospects than a rejected thrid place Labour Party candidate.

As he gently shuffles off , gnawing a nail, ignored, reviled , rejected, evidently dejected, feel some pity for him. The truth is Haltemprice and Howden was let slip because no-one would stand. .. now this.

Now, Councillor Ryan , nicely lined up for Glasgow East after David Marshall had a heart / stress / wallet problem when certain events in his past became known, seems to have suffered the same fate ... a stray library book, something to do with rents not paid, a small matter...maybe a small case of attention for the "The Code of Conduct for Councillors forms part of the Ethical Standards in Public Life etc. (Scotland) Act 2000 as they take a look at the scandalum magnatum over Paddy's Market land deals in which 10 Labour Councilors have been named.... whissht nothing unusual there in Glasgae politics. Jimmy.

The star fucker Purcell, leader of the Glasgow Council fresh from Glasgow's successful bid for the 2014 Commonwealth Games and trailing clouds of glory, wouldn't even answer the phone.

Better still, skip the bus ride.. go home and stay in until they eventually find someone, anyone.

Up to press the poisoned chalice is in the hands of Margaret Curran MSP for Glasgow Baillieston who faces boundary changes ... but don't hold your breath.