HMG give TOP SECRET documents to BBC to tell everyone that habeas corpus is dead and won't ever get up again

Whooooops now there's a welcome surprise. Just as Gormless Gordon is fighting for his political life someone "leaves behind on a train " a folder in a plain bright ORANGE envelope marked "TOP SECRET" containing documents which are handed in to (Thank God) .... the BBC. Daily Mail ...the intelligence on Al Qaeda is so sensitive that every document is understood to be individually numbered and marked 'for UK/U.S./Canadian and Australian eyes only'

...so that Urban Myth and security expert Frank Gardner can tell us , on Newsnight, having had perhaps the mildest peek at these highly top secret documents that tell us ;

1. How terribly dreadful a threat Al Quaeda is to our children our Christian way of life, peace, security, western civilisation, trains running on time (although the ones from Luton don't always) , cats, dogs, Hazel Blears, .....

2. How corrupt, hopeless, whingeing, un Christian, grasping, dishonest, Muslim, deceitful, arabic, brown and bearded, untrustworthy , friends of the nuclear bombing Iranians, Syrans, the Iraqi Gubment is and how we must stay there forever even though maybe Al Quaeda (who are defeated in Iraq) spring up again.

So we had better lock people up for 42 days so we can find something to charge them with, even if it is only for Bed and Breakfast.

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. 'Off with his head!' she would say, without even looking round.

'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first - verdict afterwards.'

'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the sentence first!'

'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.

'I won't!' said Alice.

'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.

PS : On the eve of a major international donor conference in Paris the Afghan Govenrment uncover 3 million tonnes of hashish (sounds more sinister than heroin dontcha think ?) in an underground bunker - which shows how keen they are on chasing drug smugglers. A good job it was all bombed so any evidence was totally destroyed , should any body just want to check that it was 7 million tonnes of hashish.

Afghan police received a tip about the drugs cache on Monday morning and found it later that day. Magic our Maurice.... say the same speed Plod would find your stolen motor in the UK then.